Sarah Pearson • June 11, 2015

Music is about the Relationship


In one music therapy group that I co-facilitate, we have banned all three of the above statements. We have come to believe that these statements simply don’t help anybody in any way.

Similarly, at Room 217, when we teach the Music Care Certificate Course’s module on using the voice as a caring instrument, instructors emphasize that anyone can use their voices in a caring way, despite whether they’ve been told their whole lives that they “can’t sing.”

Because while it is true that being a great performing musician involves skill, and practice, and discipline, and a certain level of mastery, music itself is about something bigger than skill, practice, and mastery.

Music is about relationships.

Music always happens in relationship – a relationship between performer and audience, or between performing musicians, or within a community or family, or within a relationship with oneself and one’s sense of beauty and meaning. The rehearsing choir or jazz quartet will experience music in relationship to each other; the father singing a lullaby to his infant child will experience music in relationship to his suckling audience; the guitar-playing songwriter composing by herself one quiet night will experience music in relationship to her beliefs, values and views of the world.

It’s these relationships that drive the music. Without the relationship, the musicians would have no need to make music.

As caregivers interested in using music to strengthen our caring relationships, it is valuable and important to remember that music is all about relationships.

The hospital where I work recently hosted a few of our local symphony’s musicians to play a noon-hour concert for patients and staff. They played both in the main lobby and in the small lounge on a unit full of very sick patients. Though their audiences were small – at most 6 or 7 gathered at any given time – their impact was huge. By simply offering a bit of live music in this clinical space, patients and staff were able to feel cared for, and to connect with the musicians and with each other. The musicians, who are used to performing for full concert halls, spoke of how gratifying it was to play for such an appreciative community. The numbers didn’t matter; the relationships established was currency enough.

It is often not just music itself, but the relationship that music happens in, that can be healing. I recently worked with a patient who was experiencing severe post-operative pain. Her medical team felt that music could be relaxing and support her pain management.

Often, I find that the sense of intimacy and presence in the room instantly deepens as soon as we start playing live music. It was no different with this patient. When we met, and when I began to play some quiet live music in her room, our sense of knowing each other suddenly became much stronger. There was an intimacy and shared humanness that was created in the room by adding the presence of music. She cried through some of the music at first, and then settled and began to pray.

Through deepening that relationship quickly, we were able to discuss some of her deeper anxieties and fears. Similarly, through introducing music into the room, she found she was able to connect with her own sense of purpose, values, and strength.

We are still using music as a pain protocol for her, but she finds it is her connection to her own strength through the music, rather than some measurable relaxing quality of the music itself, that helps manage her pain.

Never underestimate the caring capacity of sharing music with a person. Gently singing together, or listening to a meaningful album or song, or inviting a person to sing or play for us, when done with the spirit of care, can create depth in a relationship beyond our wildest expectations. These caring relationships can help mend bodies and heal hearts.

Sarah Pearson is a music therapist working in oncology and palliative care in Kitchener, ON . She is the Program Development Coordinator for the Room 217 Foundation and Lead Facilitator of the Music Care Certificate Program.

By Shelley Neal May 28, 2026
For most of my practice of coming alongside people in care or at the end of life, my harp has been the extension of me. It has traveled in ICUs, nursing homes, funerals, and celebrations of life. But for George, it couldn’t reach into the depths of his ears or into his soul for soothing, comforting, and connecting. George became profoundly deaf at the end of life. George, in his youth, was a very active and attractive young man with many skills athletically and also musically. Both he and his brother were incredible tenors in their church choirs from youth until their sixties. They sang duets and solos in church and with Gilbert and Sullivan Productions. It was actually there that George met the love of his life, Audrey, and they sang together. In my youth at church, George was often gowned in the choir garb, enjoying the music of the church and those “olde hymns”. Later, George’s father’s work as an assayer took him at the age of 16 to Jamaica, where he fell in love with the folk music of the isle. At home, he loved watching Don Messer’s Jubilee; country music was his soft spot. Often after dinner, he would start the turntable and listen to the crooning of the country and western storytellers. Aging, as they say, is not for the faint of heart. The loss of hearing was a huge adjustment for George, and the loss continued until even the hearing aids no longer worked. I would take Ruby, my little red harp, into the nursing home to play, and he would gently smile in his George way and shake his head that he heard nothing. This is where I became the student during the journey. George would bring out copies of his music, such as old hymns and lyrics of favourite love songs. These copies would be yellowed and delicately thin with age. He would begin to sing in his mellow tenor voice, and the memories flooded back. He shared the copies with fellow residences and staff. He would sing to them all. My job was to listen and take in his rich history of music that journaled the passages of his life. Our favourite haunt in the last nine years was Swiss Chalet, every Sunday evening. Often, our Jamaican staff would come out and sing to George. He really couldn’t catch the words the first couple of times, and then he would lip-read Diane’s words, “Come, Mr. Tally Man, Tally Me Banana,” and everyone at the table and surrounding tables would sing. George would randomly sing songs of the past during these dinners, remembering all the words as well as the moments these songs elicited. Then, the talk and connection went deep. His son, Peter, would take notes about all of these wonderful events of a man who lived a humble life well. Our portal into the life of George often came through old black-and-white photos, old hymn books, even old 78 records. He would smile, close his eyes, relax in his lazy boy, and the vocal music would begin. With the music came the stories of life traveling with his family, the depression, World War 2, meeting Audrey, raising his family, and connection with others through music. Even though he could no longer hear, he remembered and could still give the gift of song to others. The lesson is that music is so much more than sound; it is the connection, the stories, and the memories. We, as music care advocates, need not pass by someone who can’t hear as we may feel not useful, but to think beyond the physical sound into the memories of a song. The use of old pictures and hymn books helped us to enter into the past, as did the conversations cards of Music Care. Our job is one of connection and valuing the humanity of a soul. Music provides rich soil for connection. As our body ages and access to many things diminishes, we must still consider how to adapt our approach of using music to connect, through pictures, conversations, touch, and just being in space together sharing who we are. Shelley Neal is a special education teacher and program coordinator, therapeutic musician, and music care advocate in the Greater Toronto Area. Shelley uses music to deliver curriculum, support movement and language development and communication skills with non-verbal children. Her goal is to come alongside people and use music in whole person care.
A guitar , cowboy hat , cowboy boots and hay are on a wooden table.
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I initially trained with MUSIC CARE to work with Seniors in Long Term Care who were experiencing dementia and Alzheimer’s Disease. This is the path I travelled with my mom. My training with Music Care and Room 217 supported capacity building in selecting music that was played on my harp or chosen recorded music. The music centered on the care of the individual and their specific needs. My job was to determine the individual’s specific and select music to address these needs. The music selected helped to build community, support sleep, talk about life experiences, create a background landscape of sound, support connection to decrease isolation and loneliness, as well as coming alongside people dying. My training with Music Care helped me understand how to support people “where they were” physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Through using beat, tempo, melody, and timbre, I could cater the music and desired support required for individuals or small groups. My profession is teaching. I am a special education teacher and use music in my primary teaching as a method for learning, practicing language skills, transmitting information about science studies or math equations, as well as having fun and creating our own songs. My teacher toolkit married exceptionally well with the knowledge and skills provided by the Music Care Certification training. Recently, my work with students has involved individual programming for the medically fragile children and the palliative children. I use music (repeating the chorus several times) to engage and connect with the kiddos. We use music to "talk" about feelings (our communication is through eye gaze, eye blinks, and squeezing hands), and content material. I use music to enjoy our relationship of being together. At times, due to medication for seizures, my little ones can be very sleepy. I increase the tempo, engaging in tapping the beat on her hands and using silly action songs. The giggles and wiggles make it magical. I also use music to tell stories (my students have CVI, cortical vision impairment, so visual perception is difficult). This helps the child to engage in the story arch and adventures. Music is my conduit for reaching out and being with the students. Recently, I had the sacred journey of visiting one of my children in ICU at Sick Kids. I was invited to come to say "goodbye". A dear friend who was an ICU nurse in a different department told me (AKA, insisted) that I bring my harp with me. I wasn't sure if this would be appropriate for the family. However, with the permission of the mom, I bravely packed my harp up and took it to the Unit. It was a beautiful evening of talking with their mom and dad about how special their child was in my life. I played the kiddo's favorite songs and then ended with "The More We Get Together". The little one opened their eyes and stared at me. We hugged, and I left. They passed the next morning. I consider this time to be a sacred gift. Music Care Certification has given me the confidence and toolset to work alongside people and to journey together. It is a time a beautiful, difficult, or sacred time that I have been honoured to participate in.  Thank You
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